This is a job advertisement from the lang cat.

Hello. We’re the lang cat and as well as a digital marketing manager we’re expanding the consulting side of our business, which in the main helps platforms, asset managers and larger adviser firms design better stuff and take it to market in a way that doesn’t make you want to commit seppuku.

So we’re in the market for another consultant to join Mark Polson and Mike Barrett out on the front line. This is a fee-earning type gig; we will be selling your expertise, time and effort in return for Imperial Credits of the Realm.

It’s a very varied job, but here are some of the things you’ll get involved in:

• Bespoke consulting projects for clients, usually on market insight, competitive positioning, marketing, product development and associated unpleasantness. You’ll be dealing directly with clients; this isn’t a back-room job.
• Creating, or at least helping with, the lang cat’s own publications, including our annual platform market guides
• Drumming up new business
• Writing impact assessments of new regulation, market events and anything else that might help our clients.
• Leading, or at least helping with, our own insight exercises
• Being part of the unbeatable lang cat team and helping develop our business to keep us this busy for the years to come.

We might muck about on social media, and we do like cartoons of aggressive cross-dressing cats, but don’t mistake that for any kind of laissez-faire attitude to the work we do. We exist as a business purely because we turn out work that clients are happy to pay for. And that’s what you’ll need to be able to do too.

As well as the personal qualities below, you’ll need an area of expertise. That could be platforms, asset management, distribution or pensions. We have an open mind on that. Whatever your area, though, you’ll need to convince us that you’re at the top of your game in it.

WHAT SORT OF CAT ARE YOU?

To be a successful consultant at the lang cat you’ll need to be:

• Authoritative (or close) on the long-term savings and investment market, with a particular specialism in one of the areas listed above
• Able to write and present with impact and to know the difference between ‘their’ and ‘there’
• Able to deal with multiple concurrent projects and competing demands on your time
• Able to crack into the work as if your life depended on it (hint: it does)
• Happy to work under your own steam and in/with a small team of seriously talented individuals. And Mark.
• Able to hold your own in a pressured environment
• Happy to leave corporate life behind (if you’re from that) and embrace the glorious chaos of a small business
• supportive of the boss’s taste in music, or able to fake it.

EXCHANGING YOUR LABOUR FOR REMUNERATION

We think this is a full-time gig in our lovely airy offices in fashionable Leith. You might think different, and you might be right. We’re happy to look at folks who are in or within easy reach of That London as well, in which case you’ll be working from home. We’re completely open to discussing flexible working, as long as deadlines are met and the quality of delivery and technical understanding is outstanding.

Package? We offer no company car, no flexible benefits scheme, no subsidised canteen and no clear path for career progression, because we’re too small to have a hierarchy. Awesome! If you’re coming from a corporate background, you might also want to know that there are no direct reports answering into you in this job, so no annual reviews to worry about.

On the upside, you get an unconditional 8% pension contribution, a good bonus scheme linked to the work you complete and the work you bring in, unlimited high-quality coffee, complete flexibility in how you work (and when to an extent), the ability to build an unparalleled network and profile very quickly and direct exposure to clients. No two days will be the same, and it’ll be good fun.

Salary is dependent on experience. No-one ever knows what that means in ads like this, but make the case for what you think you’re worth and why. Just bear in mind that, as in any small business – more of your remuneration will be linked directly to profitability than you might be used to elsewhere.

WHAT TO DO NOW

If you’re all a-flutter then write to Mark Polson to apply. We’ll want a decent covering note and a CV, and some examples of previous work. It’ll be worth putting some time in to understanding us and what we do before getting in touch. This will get real fast, so also be prepared to be asked to meet the team, do some exercises (not bench press type) and all that good interview type thing.

Looking forward to hearing from you. Now GO.

A note to agencies

Hi, good to see you again. We’re still not going to spend money on agency fees, which is good for us but notso hotso for you. If you really believe you have the answer to our dreams, you can get in touch, but by doing so you hereby (posh) agree that if we don’t take your candidate you will pay us 25% of the first year’s salary he or she was hoping for. Sauce for the goose, etc.